FLOWERS AND BUTTERFLIES
Flowers and Butterflies
“Lounging Nude Amidst Flowers” by George Quaintance (1902-1957). Mostly known for his underground gay art, you can learn more about him at www.georgequaintance.com
Sullivans Island, South Carolina – 1959
I know I should have, but I just couldn’t take it off. It was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever owned. In a rich cranberry color, the strapless, silk taffeta cocktail dress fit me perfectly, just how I like it: elegant but still sexy enough to play up what boobs I had. With grandmother’s pearls the complete outfit was heavenly.
I’m sure it must have been expensive because mother bought it from Josephina’s on Market Street. I remember reading in the newspaper one day that Mrs. Jacqueline Kennedy shopped there when she and Mr. Kennedy were in town campaigning for the presidency. I know I’m being silly, but how could mother and daddy expect me to take it off?
Besides, I wanted Richard to see me in it and this was the only way since mother and daddy rejected the idea of allowing him to come to Aunt Jenny’s wedding reception earlier this afternoon. In fact, Richard was a subject my parents barely wanted to acknowledge. I think they assumed our love affair would conveniently go away when I left for New York in the fall. I would be attending Sarah Lawrence College to study law.
My daddy was normally fairly liberal but would always say, “Kayla, boys and books do not mix… especially not them colored boys.”
A few months ago, I found out daddy offered Richard and his family a large sum of money to set up their own wood cutting business if Richard left me alone. I do know his family could have used the money. Life was tough in North Charleston, but instead Richard and his family politely declined. Since that day, more than ever Richard felt a strong financial obligation to his family. Still, I was so angry with daddy when I found out about it, I didn’t speak to him for weeks.
Normally I hated to disappoint daddy, but what could I do? Richard and I had fallen madly in love and nothing in this world would prevent us from having a future together. We knew what we were facing here in the south and had been planning to escape this racist little town once and for all.
Little did daddy know Richard had saved up enough money to also move to New York. He was able to find a club in Harlem where he could play his jazz music with some famous band leader. I think his name was Duke. Duke Wellington or something like that. I was so proud of him. Just a few months longer and our new life would begin.
Richard was late, it was almost four in the morning and I was getting sleepy. The sun would soon be up and I had to get back into my room before Geraldine, our maid woke up to prepare breakfast. I was a little worried even though he never disappointed me. I nervously covered a small basket of treats. I knew how much Richard liked sweets, so I saved him some lemon tarts from the reception.
Only three years older than me, Richard seemed so much more mature for his age. He read a lot so maybe that’s why he gave the impression as if he were already grown up at twenty years old. He even walked sexy and confident unlike many of the boys around here. And then there was that body of his, oh my God, he was like a statue, so tall, dark and powerfully built. Richard appeared more like an athlete than a saxophone player standing at about six-four, always clean shaven with extremely short hair brushed into waves.
If I were to be truthful, size was a bit of a fetish for me, not cock size but Richard’s overall physical size. Since I was so petite, I not only loved the contrast of our skin color, but the great difference in our physical sizes. It made for wonderful fantasies of what he could do to me and how he could do it to me. Now the question was when would he do it to me.
I was a little chilly with just the dress on, but I counted on Richard being able to warm me like only he could do. I was careful to lay out a large blanket to protect my dress while using the rest of the blanket to wrap around my shoulders. Certainly he would be here any minute.
I never had been out in the back of the house at this hour when it was quiet and still. The scene was so beautiful I wondered how come I had never noticed it quite like this before when staring out from my bedroom window.
Our beach house sat on top of a steep grassy hill that was met by the sands of the North Atlantic Ocean. From our point of view, those calm waters rested more like an oversized lake. The sound of feathering waves softly brushing against the sand was calming. My nightlight was now the moon that reflected the sea behind a dark sky.
I was getting worried now, normally he is on time. I wonder if he’s okay? Or maybe he just accidentally fell asleep. Ah, sleep, something I should be doing as my eyelids were now getting heavy from listening to the relaxing rhythms of the water.
Of all nights to not show up. Finally I wanted to give Richard what he’s been desiring for so long, yet was polite enough to wait and not press me too much. Aside from a lot of kissing and touching and sometimes letting him put his hands inside my panties, I had not gone all the way even though in the privacy of my mind I had allowed him to do all kinds of dirty things to my body.
The last time I was with him, we were in the north side woods having a picnic and for dessert he treated me to his soft, full lips. He knew how to kiss me in such a way that I couldn’t help but close my eyes so that I would be surprised at where he would kiss me next. It didn’t matter, because it seemed every time I met with Richard, whether we kissed, or danced, or had conversations about our future together, he left me with wet panties. Sometimes it was his touch, sometimes his tongue, and other times it was simply his deep voice so smooth and elegant.
I laid back against the hill as the surrounding blades of tall grass swayed back and forth making soft brushing sounds from the night ocean breeze. I was afraid to close my eyes. I didn’t want to drift off to sleep so I stared up at the glowing moon thinking of Richard’s lips, how thick and supple they were, how they felt on my skin. How he would lift my hair and kiss the back of my neck sending chills through me. I was helpless to this beautiful black man. All I could do was close my eyes and enjoy.
“Kaaayla?…Kaaayla?” said a deep, gentle voice whispering into my ear.
Was I losing my mind? Are the ocean waves calling my name? Half asleep, I looked up and there was Richard kneeled above me with his pleasant smile.
“Well you are sure dressed up and fancy for breakfast this morning. I should have wore my tuxedo,” teasing as he often does. “Here, I brought us rolls and honey and a few peaches,” reaching into a large brown paper bag.
“Richard Johnston! Where have you been? I’ve been waiting for you since midnight!”
“I’m sorry Kayla. I had to stay with my mother until she was resting and fell asleep. She’s still been having those terrible chest pains.”
“Well, I’m sorry to hear that. I guess I’m not too upset then.”
“Thank you. I’m pretty worried about her,” as he stroked my hair out of my face. “I was able to convince Jacob to give me a ride over here or it really would have been too late.
“Mmm…You smell good,” getting closer to his body.
“Just some cologne I bought at Eckerd’s drug store. I rushed to wash up and come here. I missed you Kayla,” kissing me softly on the lips. “It’s nice out here,” now noticing the wonderful scenery.
By this time the new day was just beginning. If there was anything more dramatic than the sun rising in the south I sure would like to see it. The rising sun was an electric orange illuminating the sky and highlighting the rolling ripples of the sea.
The birds were now singing and where somehow the sun shined a beam of light onto some nearby flowers, a gorgeous butterfly landed onto a leaf to settle from its flight.
“Oh it’s so beautiful Richard. I wish we could enjoy it together, but I’m going to have go inside. My family will be getting up any minute.”
“Okay, well wait one minute, I have something to give you.” Reaching further into the paper bag, Richard pulled out a book: Let’s Travel To Paris. “Read the inside,” he asked.
Taking the book into my hand I read it aloud:
To the woman I will forever love,
Let’s explore this world together, and live boldly without regrets. Our destiny will lie in our devotion to one another and the bond that I pray is never broken. You speak often of Paris and the Eiffel Tower. Today, let’s vow to one day see The City of Lights together, hand in hand as husband and wife. Are you ready?
Love Always,
Richard
I didn’t know what to say. I was beyond happy and a little surprised that Richard was actually committing to our love. He could have so many other women. Still, I looked deep into his eyes and I could see sincerity. I had to kiss him if even for a moment before I had to get back into the house.
Giving me his warm tongue, it danced with mine as he position himself between my legs. Slipping his hands underneath the now wrinkled dress, Richard explored my inner thighs massaging the mound of my moist panties.
I really had to go, but nothing would come out of my mouth.
He expertly found the zipper in the back of my dress opening it just enough to release the latch of my bra.
I tried to whisper something in Richard’s ear but again I was unable to speak. My heart raced because I knew what he wanted. I was nervous but so ready for this man.
He had the juiciest lips, thick and perfectly shaped and each time he kissed a different part of my body it sent a new wave of excitement I had never experienced.
The cool morning air brushed along my bared nipples making them hard and sensitive. Richard’s tongue would soon find them, licking them extra wet so the open breeze would cool them and force me to arch my back from the sensation.
“I’ve got to taste you Kayla. Can I taste you baby?”
My legs answered for me as they opened wide for him. My heart was racing because I didn’t know what to expect beyond the fantasies I had when touching myself at night. Now, here he was and it was going to actually happen.
One of Richard’s hands was always on my body no matter what he was doing to me. It was as if his oversized hands sent heat waves throughout me keeping me warm and comforted.
Reaching over with his free hand he folded his jacket three times to make a pillow to lift my hips up in the air. Lowering his head between my thighs, I could feel my chest pounding with an exotic mix of nerves and anticipation.
Richard let his fingers rub over my lips and instinctively I took them into my mouth. Even his fingers were thick and strong. I closed my eyes and sucked them as if it was a real black cock.
Taking his fingers wet from my mouth, he gently pinched and twisted my nipples while down below his juicy lips kissed my inner thighs tracing the outside of my panties with his mouth.
Even though my knees suddenly tried to close, it wasn’t that I wanted him to stop, it was just a uncontrolled reaction to what he was doing to me.
He wanted my panties off but I knew we had to stop. They would be looking for me soon. Surely, they had knocked on my bedroom door by now.
“Richard, you’ve got to…”
It was as if my body had a mind of its own as I lifted myself up so he could slide my panties completely off.
His large hands held my ass as his tongue took a long, slow and flat lick through my pussy. Licking and gently sucking my outer lips, I felt his two large fingers penetrate me gradually filling me up. His strong fingers curved upward caressing my insides.
I began to lose control as something he was doing down there was bringing me such a unique pleasure, yet I was confused as to what the very sensitive feeling was. It was new, but I wanted more.
“Don’t stop Richard,” I begged. My moans were spontaneous just as my breathing was wild and unrestrained.
While the fingers of one hand were still stroking me, the fingers of the other began to massage my clit with small, focused movements. What was this man doing to me?
I had never been so sexually free. I temporarily lost any traces of prudence I had left. The time or place was of no importance any longer as I lay on that grassy hill in the back of my family’s home, legs wide open in the morning air as the most gorgeous black man in South Carolina ate my pussy with skill and purpose.
Taking his wet fingers he pulled back the hood over my clit letting his tongue flutter on the exposed little ball of sexual nerves. Still stroking my pussy with his other hand the only thing I could hold on to were my own breasts.
I held them how I liked them to be caressed, pinching my nipples as hard as I could stand it, moaning sounds of approval and direction for my dark lover.
Richard’s mouth captured my clit in his mouth, sucking and licking it within the warm fluids of his mouth. I could hear the swishing noises turning me on further. I put my hand on top of his head to encourage him more.
Between Richard still sucking and licking my clit like ice cream while his fingers thrusted in and out of my drenched pussy, I could feel yet another finger massaging my asshole. With these three pleasures all happening at the same time, it was about as much as I could handle.
My eyes could hardly stay open as I was lost in pure ecstasy. How many hands does this man have? My hips gyrated uncontrollably following the lead of Richard’s movements. I felt drugged and wanted more.
Breathing wildly my moans grew louder, “I want you Richard.”
“Are you sure? You ready for me Kayla St. James?”
“Do it Richard!” I was just about begging him as this point. “Just do it right now.”
He rose up quickly to take down his pants. His kisses were still generous as they moved around to any exposed part of my body: my shoulder, my forehead, my neck, my ear lobe, my mouth. I felt no shame to lick my own juices from Richard’s lips. Passion overcame me.
As Richard lingered above me whispering nasty thoughts into my ear, I could feel his big black cock resting on my belly, heavy and thick ready just for me. I was beside myself with anticipation.
“Please Ricard…do it to me!…c’mon fuck me!”
With those pleas, he stroked his long, black cock slowly and with the intention to please. Sliding his shaft inside me I laid my head all the way back and allowed him to take control of me.
At this moment I could care less if the entire town was watching in complete horror or delight. Scandal or not, I was going to enjoy this black dick and let Richard take me however he wanted. I was his and he knew it.
Stroking me deeper and deeper I surprised myself at how much I could take considering his size. I reached up to feel his arms, so muscular and tense as he they supported his weight.
His thighs slapped against the back of mine as he hammered me with persistence. The strength in his body was an amazing thing to watch. I enjoyed watching the intensity in his muscles, his skin so dark and sleek.
I know I shouldn’t have asked, and certainly not right then, but I did anyway, “Do you love me Richard?”
“Yes Kayla,” barely out of breath, “I love you more than anything.”
“Anything?”
“Okay, almost anything.”
I smiled at my own need for affirmation at that moment.
Richard took hold of me and rolled over so he was laying on his back and allowed me to straddle him.
This is when I really enjoyed that difference in our physical size I was mentioning earlier. To climb on top of him and ride his hard dick while I massaged my clit was wonderful. As powerfully built as Richard was I was now the one in control. It was my turn to finally see him lose a bit of his composure.
I grinded my little pussy on my black man the best I knew how, bending over to nibble on his chest and nipples. I reached back to cup his balls and they were wet from the juices trickling out of my pussy.
I loved seeing the expression of ecstasy on his face, his mouth open, his chest heaving up and down, hearing his deep manly moans, unable to speak. I was delighted to give him such pleasure but right then I could only feel my own climax beginning to erupt.
Richard’s cock was as hard as ever as I grinded on it the way I needed it, I wanted to be selfish and fulfill the sexual curiosities I had about him for so long. He captured my heart with his kindness, he stimulated me with his intelligence, and now the only thing left was to experience his passion.
My orgasm began to emerge. I think I could feel tears streaming from the corner of my eyes. It was incredibly powerful. I rocked and my body shook as it began to feel overcome with rapture. My center tightened as I felt a sharp release that somehow was equal pain and pleasure. I came with great force. It was an experience I wanted again and again.
My legs quivered uncontrollably for a few moments until my breathing finally settled. I opened my eyes to see Richard staring at me smiling with love and admiration. The kind of stare any woman would want from their lover.
“Come here,” he said, motioning for me to lay across his chest. His big arms enveloped me as he stroked my hair with the tenderness I have come to love about him. “I want to ask you something.”
The sky was bright and blue. The new day was here. It was now beginning to be hot from the mature sun. I could hear the morning cars and trucks pass by on the main road above us.
“Kayla!!” “Kayla!!!
My father!
“Richard, go!” frantically getting off of him and handing him his pile of clothes. I quickly kissed him once more and told him to run!
A shot gun blast rang in the air!
“I’ll get you boy!” My father yelled out. “I know where you live!”
Another shot gun blast!
Richard had run fast through the trees and was already out of sight.
“Kayla, get here in this house!”
Walking towards daddy in tears, “Why did you have to shoot at him?! You could have killed him! I hate you, I swear I do!!”
“You better lower your voice when you’re talking to me. You will not have that nigger boy on my property ever again, I’ll see to that. Now get in the house!”
“Why do you have to be this way?”
“Don’t you worry about me. You just better hope to God you don’t turn up pregnant!”
“And I hope to God that I do!”
I didn’t see it coming. It was the first time Daddy ever laid a finger on me. It seemed to happen in slow motion as he slapped me to the ground.
All I could do was hold the side of my face and focus on the day when I would be leaving this place. In fact, maybe I’d be leaving sooner than later.
* * *
It had been several weeks since the last time I saw Richard. I had not heard from him at all. I wanted to talk with him to let him know I was moving to New York sooner than planned. Perhaps he could make arrangements to come with me instead of waiting until later. I already had a place picked out near campus and I wanted to Richard to have my new address for when he arrived. I could hardly wait to live almost as man and wife up north where race was not such a big deal.
I got my best friend Janet to ride me up to North Charleston. First, I stopped by the lumber yard where he worked and strangely no one could tell me anything. Next, we went to a little night club he performed at every once in a while. It was still early so there were just a few people milling around and no one had seen him. To say I was now worried was an understatement. Just as I was about to go back to the car, an older black gentleman nervously stopped us.
Carefully looking around, “Uh ma’am, you might be interested to know, I uh heard there was a fire at the Johnston home. Seems the young man got himself in a whole lot of trouble and well…I better leave it alone. Reckon I don’t have all the facts. But thought I’d let ya know. Good day now.”
“Thank you sir.”
This can’t be. The old man must have been mistaken. I asked Janet to do me one more favor and drive me to Richard’s house.
I was a bundle of nerves the entire trip there. I thought about daddy and wondered if he might know anything. I had noticed he and mother hadn’t been getting along lately. She was by no means happy about Richard and I being together, but she did seem to have a certain understanding about the power of love and how it had affected her daughter.
As we finally drove up to 5520 East 117th Street I saw the burnt black and gray skeleton of the charred house barely standing. In front of the dirt yard there was a hand-made cross staked into the ground:
R.I.P.
Charlene Johnston
Richard Johnston
Miriam Johnston
Michael Johnston
July 12, 1959
Instantly, my world was shattered. I closed my eyes so that when I opened them again, perhaps this would all be a horrible dream, but it was not. My eyes welled up with tears as my mouth trembled in disbelief. Janet wrapped her arm around me as I crumbled into a ball against the car door. I buried my head into my arms as the agony of realizing I had really lost Richard set in. I peeked out the car window one last time. I would never be the same.
* * *
Paris, France – 1972
“So, I will see you later tonight? I will cook, a little wine, some soft music and maybe we can just relax. Sound good?”
“Sure Remy,” giving him a quick peck on the lips. “Thanks.”
Remy was a real sweetheart. We dated on and off three of the last five years I had been living in Paris. Sophisticated and handsome in his own way, he was quite successful as an art curator for one of Paris’ most prestigious museums.
Even still, something was missing. Most of the time, I didn’t even bother to try and figure it out just accepting the relationship for what it was; something to do.
Remy had been hinting about marriage and I was an expert at putting that subject off until next time. For now, I suppose I was satisfied with life as it was.
I was kind of glad Remy had to go. I considered this my private time and liked being alone for a while.
I sat at my usual bench at Champ de Mars as I never got tired of looking at the Eiffel Tower. I had become an English teacher at a nearby middle school and aside from work I took a strong liking to jazz music. But on this day like many, instead of walking straight home, I would come here to the park just to sit and people watch.
It was an eclectic mix of businessmen, tour groups, fashionistas, and local artists, a little bit of everything. It was Friday so I was considering going to a jazz club in the neighborhood. Miles Davis was going to be performing. Since Richard died I grew to really appreciate jazz and though it usually put me in a melancholy mood, I somehow felt comforted in that environment.
As I continued to monitor the sights while enjoying a chocolate truffle, a man sitting on the other side of the bench dropped his newspaper. Reaching over to retrieve it from the ground, I noticed a picture and article:
The R.J. Jazz Trio performing Saturday night at the New Morning Jazz Club.
Below the caption was a picture of Richard! Well, I think it was him. It looked like him.
I sat there motionless staring at the newspaper trying to work out in my mind what exactly I was looking at.
“I hear they’re pretty good” said the deep voiced man.
Very slowly I turned around and it was Richard!
“Richard?” I asked quietly and carefully.
“How are you Kayla?”
“Wha…I’m…”
* * *
I must have passed out because when I came to. Richard was sitting on the edge of my bed with the same warm smile I remembered all those years ago. He had placed a cold face cloth on my forehead.
For the most part he looked the same except for the short afro and neatly trimmed goatee. I kinda liked it as many of the jazz musicians wore all kinds of cool facial hair. But yes, at thirty-three years old he looked wonderful.
“How about some aspirin and cold water?”
I took a sip before sitting all the way up in my bed.
“Um…excuse me but I have few questions here.”
Richard chuckled, “I’m sure you do.”
“First, how did you know where I live?”
“Your mother came to one of my performances in Chicago a few months ago. I asked about you and she was nice enough to give me the address. Plus, it’s also on your license. I got from your handbag when you fainted.”
“You saw my mother? Wow, I hadn’t spoken to her in a while.”
“Yes, we had a nice conversation actually. She cleared up a lot of things for me about that morning; A lot of anger I kept inside of me for too many years.”
“I hear she divorced my dad.”
“She has and that’s what was really um, interesting. She’s engaged to Charlie Watson.”
“Charlie Watson? The same Charlie Watson from television? But he’s…”
“Black? Yeah, I know,” Richard chuckled.
“Whoa. Forget the aspirin. I think I need a drink.” Opting for the water, I took a long swallow. “Okay, but one other minor thing…You’re supposed to be dead!”
“I am? I feel pretty good.”
“Richard, it’s not funny. What happened? All these years I’ve been a miserable woman and here you are sitting on my bed healthier than me.”
“Okay, okay. Well, after losing my family to the fire, I was angry at the world. Angry at God. Angry at a racist society, angry at your father, even angry at you for believing you may have had something to do with it.”
“Oh Richard, how could you think such a thing?”
“Well, yes I know that now, but at the time my head wasn’t right. I was still in mourning. It was devastating losing my family that way. I knew my mother was very sick and wasn’t likely to live much longer, but to lose my baby brother and sister with so much life ahead of them. It just seemed so cruel and unfair. I couldn’t make sense out of it. I couldn’t believe your father hated me that much because of my skin.” His eyes were wet.
“My father was responsible?”
“Yes Kayla. I thought you knew.”
“I guess deep down I suspected it but didn’t want to believe. I haven’t spoke to him since that morning. He’s written but I’ve ignored his letters.
“Well, after that, I knew I wanted nothing to do with that town, so I added my name to the wood tombstone because as far as I was concerned a piece of me died that day right along with my family. I would enlist in Army to fight in Vietnam until I returned last year on honorable discharge. — Want some more?” offering me more water.
“When I came back to the states I was determined to get back to my second love: Jazz. And that’s exactly what I’ve done. I got a few guys I knew through the years, formed the R.J. Trio and managed to make a pretty good career out of it so far.”
“Second love?”
“Kayla, you are my first love and my only love. Don’t you understand that?”
“Yes, I think so but I’m still trying to shake the cobwebs out of my head. I feel like I’m talking to a ghost right now. For thirteen years I thought you were dead.”
“I know, but I still love you.”
At that moment two beautiful butterflies landed on the railing of my balcony.
“Look Richard. Look at those butterflies!” pointing towards outside.
“Ah, the great migrators. Did you know in Chinese culture two butterflies flying together are a symbol of love?
“This day is getting more and more strange by the minute.”
“Not strange, prophetic.”
“Okay Mr. Johnston. Prophetic. That is if you’re still Richard Johnston. So what happens now?”
“Well, first you can come out to your balcony with me I have something for you, and later you can call Remy and cancel dinner plans. I think you’ll be busy tonight, and it won’t be relaxing,” looking down towards my crotch.
“Oh Remy,” I tried to explain, “He’s just a guy I’ve been dating from time to time, nothing too serious.”
“I know that. I could tell. True passion lives within us Kayla,” he said touching my heart. “Now, come with me.”
Outside on the balcony, the two butterflies remained perched on the railing unaffected by our presence.
“You may have forgotten that morning right before your father began shooting at me, I told you I had something to ask you.”
“I remember,” at that moment I reminisced.
“Here, I want you to have these.” Richard handed me a small bunch of wildflowers.
“They’re so pretty Richard, thank you.”
“Pretty? Are you becoming blind in your old age?” he joked. “Look closer sweetheart.
Doing as he said, at closer examination, I now noticed a spectacular diamond and platinum ring holding the small wildflowers together.
“Richard?!”
“Eux-tu m’épouser?”
“Excuse me? Excuse me? Did you just ask me to marry you?”
Richard nodded his head smiling.
“Will I marry you? Richard, did you just rise from the dead and come back into my life after thirteen years, and then ask me to marry you? Have you gone mad? Did the war make you a crazy person?”
“No. No, I don’t think so.”
“Out of all the arrogant things I’ve ever heard! I just can’t believe what’s happening here. It’s just…I don’t know what to think.”
Richard grabbed me by my waist with those big strong hands of his and held me close to him. “Already I’ve lived too long without you Kayla. Please don’t make me go another day without you. Please? I’m not afraid to beg.”
I looked into his eyes and trusted them just as I did that morning years ago. I held his face in my hands and kissed Richard with as much passion as I ever had. My enthusiasm for life had seeped out me during the past years and within moments I was being blessed with a second chance. To have this man, my man come back into my life, I could feel a brand new beginning with renewed purpose and energy. I was so ready to participate in life again, all I could do was hug Richard as tight as I could, I never wanted to be separated from him again.
“Uh Kayla, I’m just curious, does this mean yes?”
“Richard Johnston, my love, it does mean yes,” kissing my man,”a…big…juicy… yes!”
* * *
(c) 2008 D. Hill
this was absolutely beautiful. it took my breath away.
thank you for inviting me to your blogs
Very nice!!